I’ve been asked to write my full testimony in order to help understand what I’m trying to do as it seems that it may be unclear.

Growing up a child of divorce from a 1 year, old church was varied and separated for me.  My mom’s side of the family was Assembly of God or Pentecostal and my dads was a very loosely regimented Presbyterian.  I wouldn’t say I was confused as I was mostly indifferent but searching.  As I became a teenager I even went through a confirmation class at Northminster Presbyterian but declined to walk as I was still not sure about everything and didn’t want to be hypocritical of what I was doing.  I started self-medicating due to pretty severe OCD and soon became a full-blown alcoholic.  I forgot about God and went on down the road feeding my addiction and giving in to very compulsive behavior.  I moved all over the country drinking and having a good time to the tune of about 20 different places in 8 states or so.  Somehow I survived extremely risky behavior.  I came back to Kansas City and had not kicked my drinking problem but went to technical school and started getting good-paying contracts.  I didn’t really go out to have fun I just drank as much as I had to to try to feel normal and avoid episodes of feeling dangerously out of control and not being able to do anything about it.  I got married, had kids and had a pretty tumultuous marriage on top of things.  I still feel so bad that my kids didn’t get the best version of me.  I got a divorce and couldn’t get things together and I finally hit my knees while running on a trail at Smithville and in tears I told God I was out of control and that I needed His help.  I didn’t plan this, it just happened.  He answered, I had a massive pancreatitis attack the next morning and that is something nobody wants to go through once.  I’ve had around 50.    I wound up in the hospital and was diagnosed and told it would happen again as well as cause more problems.  I cleaned up and He helped me get on track as he is known to do for His children.  I moved to Texas to be around my kids and maintained pretty well but still didn’t really have a handle on it.  I went through some things with my ex and her new husband and some very rough times with my daughter.  I met a girl and really felt good about things but she didn’t want to deal with the age difference and wanted to travel and I had kids so that was over and I didn’t blame her, we’re still friends to this day.  Covid hit and I let it knock me off the wagon as I sat for months alone with nothing to do and no money.  My body had had enough, my hair started to fall out, I lost 40 lbs really fast, looked pregnant and yellow and couldn’t eat.  Liver disease does amazing things.  I would cramp up to where I couldn’t move any part of my body so bad my landlord wanted to call an ambulance twice.  Countless nights moaning in my sleep in amazing pain.  I was dying quickly and it felt like it.  I went to the hospital a few times in Texas but they kept telling me it was just my pancreas.  I was at a loss and had to move back up to KC.  I continued to drink but couldn’t drink much but I felt defeated and then it hit like a ton of bricks.  I think I was in the hospital twice before they did a complete workup and found that I now had end stage or stage 3 liver disease.  I was moved to a different hospital with a transplant specialis and was given a very slim chance of living for another 3 months and they tend to not be the nicest when you’re in for that as alcoholism is exclusively looked at as a selfish choice..  For some reason, I had no fear and I was in very good spirits and I told them they were wrong.  Funny enough they didn’t appreciate me telling them they were wrong, you would never think dr.’s would act like that and I’m kidding.  I was under extreme scrutiny at the hospital and would spend a couple of days out here and there going through treatments and testing and symptoms that make shame or self consiousness hilarious.  They kept talking about possible internal bleeding and I never thought it would be that big of a deal until it happened.  The fist time I remember just feeling really full but something was very off, I was alone both times.  I went in to the bathroom to get sick, which was a regular occurrence ,  and stood up and was looking at a yellow, shrivled up 120 lb version of myself with huge dilated pupils and blood all over my face.  I somehow managed to get a ride to the hospital and maintain consciousness enough to pack a bag and so forth.  I was in the icu for several days as they used banding because they were afraid to do anything more risking my life.  I got sent home and it happened again, this time I had lost so much blood I should have been dead before the procedure.  I gave up my spirit during this time and saw the other side.  They had done two procedures and I was intubated for almost 2 days.  I was no longer in pain, I felt safe and at home, I felt pure love and I was asked if I wanted to stay.  I said I needed to go back to tell everyone.  There was no conjecture as to the way and the truth and the life..  I was not a Christian and it wasn’t a situation where I begged the Lord for my life everyday.  He let me know he had me and I trusted Him and still do.   I no longer had OCD when I came back, just some left over habits and I was not an alcoholic any longer.  I had also been infused with a faith and understanding that I shouldn’t have had.  To date I have 1 year and 8 months sober.   As I laid in bed over the last year things with God began to make sense and become much clearer to me and every time I was given a death sentence by the doctors somehow I knew he was there and I wasn’t going anywhere.  I didn’t know what to tell the doctors and they were blown away by what they perceived my survival as my resilience and strength when it was becoming clear that it was God’s will that I stay here. Ministry is my calling and I had to go through every single thing I did throughout my life to prepare me for it leaving nothing out.  I became ordained with a testimony similar to this and the biblical knowledge that I didn’t know I had.  I read the King James Version cover to cover, I was still recovering as my brain was frying on bilirubin and ammonia at very high levels so certain things were a little jumbled and I had to learn how to spell correctly again.  I got baptized at Journey Church International to the head paster telling everyone they could go home, that my testimony was church for the day.  I became ordained and a certified Christian coach and counselor with an emphasis on addiction and recovery.  I started teaching bible classes, me!  I started ministering to the guys at the Lansing Kansas Prison.  I volunteered for everything I could and it was no question that I needed to lead people to Jesus.  To give them in the truth in a way they would listen, not people that had been going to church their whole live but those who truly needed saved like I did.  I was definitely save and born again.  I’m supernatually changed and my faith is my life.  I just want to give back and help for the Glory of the Father.  I don’t want to be rich and I don’t need accolades, just to make a difference and give those lost souls the truth about where to look.